Today I’m rebooting my writing habit after taking a few days off while we were on the road for Seattle Pride. I planned to take a break on those days. I had noticed that the habit was starting to feel easier, so I judged that the break would not be fatal to the habit.
I was reflecting in a conversation today about how different it is for me as a tutor to work with families who already support habits compared to those who don’t. Last year I worked with a learner who played piano and whose mother I gathered supported her regular practice. It was easy for her to add a new habit of working on her math curriculum daily and as a result she moved through the material very quickly. This was despite the fact that she had medium to low interest level in math.
On the other side, I’m working with a learner who finds math quite enjoyable, but who is struggling to work on it as regularly as he would like to. We are experimenting with habit formation strategies to see what works for him. I think it’s a valuable process for him to go through, as he’ll be able to use what he learns in many areas of life. But not already having that habit program online ready to reproduce for a new endeavor has limited his pace over the years. (Despite that, he has a high skill level and ready intuition in math, I think due to his high interest level).
I was remembering back to how my mom dealt with swim practice when I was growing up. Whenever I would complain that I didn’t want to go she would remind me that I had the option of quitting at the end of the month, but that since we had signed up and paid for it, skipping practice was not an option. She would remind me that I always had fun once I got there. I very rarely missed practice and as a result achieved a high level of success. My achievements reinforced my commitment to regularly attending practice and to working my hardest while there.
I think people perceived me as completely internally motivated and probably didn’t pick up on how my mom was supporting me in this way. I was certainly in a different mindset than some of my teammates whose parents pushed them to continue swimming despite their desire to quit. And of course my experience was also softer from those teammates who were inconsistent in attending practice, for whatever reason.
The key, as is often the case, seems to be finding that sweet spot between too much choice and too little. Between too much structure and too little. It can seem great to be free to do whatever you feel like doing all the time. But isn’t one way to achieve that to train yourself to want to do the things that support your goals?